To my husband...

I am going to play catch-up with this post, but first and foremost I want to shine a light on my wonderful husband, Ryan Ohl.

Being a surrogate has its difficulties, but so does being the significant other to a surrogate, and for that, they deserve praise as well. So, here you go babe. Thank you for allowing and supporting me throughout my 2 journeys, and for not completely shutting me down when I speak of a third journey. You know how much I love this, even when I complain at 3am. You are constantly there to remind me of how amazing my body is and provide words of encouragement when I am sad and feel like my body is failing. I always feel beautiful when I am with you, whether I am 100lbs with 6pack abs and a tight, perky toosh, or 125 lbs with an outie belly button and popped veins the size of baseballs running all down my once beautifully toned and tanned legs. I love when you scoot close to me in bed at night and rub on my belly, not because it is our babies growing inside, but because I am your wife and you are fully committed to loving me, which currently includes the 2 extra lives I have growing inside of me. When I ache, you never hesitate to tell me to go get a massage, a mani/pedi, or schedule a Chiro appt, even though you know I'll say no because I'm a cheap ass. when it comes time for delivery, I know you will be right by my side, standing over the babies and beaming with pride, just like you did with our son, and just like you did with surro-baby Jaden. And then when I need time off from mommy duty to recover, I know you will be there to pick up the slack.

But it doesn't end there. You also support my crazy pumping life, which consists of 45 minutes to 1.5 hours of pumping every 2 hours, 'round the clock for the first 2 months and then spaces out a little bit from there, but is still so rigorous, always cutting into our sleep time and making it hard to get out of the house to ever do anything. But you let me do it anyways because you know I need it. Seeing those stacks of milk in the freezer gives me yet another amazing sense of accomplishment. So much so, that I even went 3 months without buying any ice cream because it wouldn't fit in our tiny freezer (thank goodness we have the deep freeze now!) When I pump, my body is still not fully mine again, and therefor still cannot be fully yours again either. As nice as my milk boobs look in sports bras and shirts, you know they are off limits and respect the "looky but no touchy" rule. You put up with so much from me in order to do these things; you give me my shots, put up with my mood swings, run out to get my food craving fixes at all hours of the day and night, patiently wait during the "no sex allowed" restrictions, wash millions of bottle parts to surprise me so I don't have that extra tedious chore...... The list goes on and on and there are probably countless little things that I am forgetting to mention but make such a huge impression on me. So thanks for being the amazing husband and father that you are. I'm so lucky to have you as my better half.


 



Now to catch up on the pregnancy!!! I am cursing myself for not updating in so long once again, but if I am telling the truth, I kind of forgot my login and password info for a while so when I did want to update, I was unable too. Yay pregnancy brain lol. Not only that, but this past month has been super busy. Hayden is getting the hang of school, we celebrated his 6th birthday, and then moved out of GG's house and into a rental. GG had a bad fall, underwent surgery on her hip, and then took a turn for the worse during her recovery. We thought she would leave us to join her husband and family in heaven, but she surprised us all and fought to get better and graciously allow us a few more years to make memories together. She can't believe how well the pregnancy is going and loves to ask about the baby girls.

We did a 3D/4D ultrasound, and even though we went fairly early on in the pregnancy, the girls still didn't cooperate very well so we couldn't get many decent picks. Tried to do a rescan, but still no luck. They were either facing away from us or covering their faces up. At one point, Zoey was all over Kinsley like a koala bear.

Tori had 3 baby showers thrown in her honor and invited me to all 3! Each one was very wonderful and had great food, which is probably part of the reason I have gained 10lbs in the past month. Guess I didn't need to stress about my weight after all!!















At the 3rd and final shower I gave Tori 2 books that help explain surrogacy to young children, so she can read to Zoey and Kinsley when they get older and help explain their birth story. I hope the girls enjoy the books.

Now that we are all done with the baby showers, Tori and Mikie are a little more prepared for the girls' arrival, but still have things on their to do list (cough, Mikie)  I asked Tori if she was ready for the babies to come and she belted out a laugh and said "heck no!" Even with everything that they have had to go through to get these girls, you're never fully prepared for what lies ahead. Tori has mentioned that it is sometimes hard for her to believe she is about to be a mommy because her life has not really slowed down due to a pregnancy. She can still go out and have a few drinks with friends, not worry about what she is putting into her body, not be up all night with back aches and restless legs, but has to miss out on the joys of feeling those little kicks and flips from the inside. And then when D day arrives, BAM! 2 little babies get dropped into her lap and it goes from 0 - 100. So yeah, you could say it is nice to not have stretch marks or a blown out vagina or sliced open stomach, but it can also be a total mind fuck.

Halloween has also come and gone since my last blog post. This year I dressed up as a stork, because is there really anything more appropriate to go as? I think not! My costume was home made and I received tons of compliments on it. I cannot wait to see what the girls go as for their first Halloween. Tori and I have talked about some costume ideas so I will be interested to see how things turn out.








For my birthday back in October, my husband got my a new beagle puppy, which my son named JJ. He is so cute, full of energy, and at times a little terror. Roper has warmed up to him and they play well together. My beagle babies are like children to me, I love them so much, especially when JJ kiss my belly or naps on it.






Our doctors apts seem to be going well. We no longer see the high risk doctors because the baby girls are going fantastic on their growth and weight. We have registered at the hospital with our pre-birth order papers, and even scheduled our C-section date, which is current,y set at Jan 5th...... If I make it that far lol. January seems almost impossible. I'm putting my money on early-mid December. I took my 1 hour glucose tolerance test and failed, so I had to go back and take the 3 hour test, which was absolutely miserable, but Tori sat there right beside me the whole time so at least I had company. You know what they say about misery and company lol. The babies were doing so good and being head down for me, but trouble maker Kinsley recently flipped and is now breech again. I am hoping she will flip once more and stay head down so I can attempt a vaginal delivery, but either was it will be in the OR and a C-section is just like a grey little rain cloud hovering over my head. So if everyone could send positive thoughts, vibes, and prayers that I get to deliver them the old fashioned way, that would be great!! But either way is ok as long as the babies make it out safely. We now start our 2 week appointments, which really makes it seem all so near. I also go to the chiro every 2 weeks for an adjustment and she massages my ligaments in my hips to help give the babies room. Haha, nice try, right?! But I do feel so much better after my appointments. Of course by the middle of week 2 I am dying and counting down the minutes till my appointment again.

For Tori's Bday, I booked us a couples massage. This silly woman showed up hung over from her birthday dinner the night before with some friends. The whole time I was thinking "this is backwards, I'm  the pregnant one, shouldn't I be the one feeling nauseous and sick?" Lolol. I wasn't very impressed with my prenatal massage, it felt too soft and weak for me, I like deep tissue ones where you almost cry but tell yourself "no pain, no gain", which is exactly what Tori got be has edge had bruises popping up over the next few days lol! She has the monthly membership to massage Envy so  she has mentioned seeing if she can transfer one of her prepaid massaged to me so we can go get another one together. I am hoping they have a table with a whole for the belly to hang through  because I am so tired of always laying on my sides.




This coming up weekend, Ryan and Hayden are going out of town to the Double T Ranch on a hunting trip. Coincidentally, it is the place where Hayden was conceived 😳. I know he will have a great time seeing all the exotic animals, helping daddy's and Bear hunt and clean their killings, and just hanging out with the boys. While they are gone, I am having my 2 best friends come over and do a belly casting kit on me. It was left over from my sister-in-law, who delivered early so we didn't have time to do it on her. I figured we better do it on me too since there is no telling when I might deliver either.  I love my 2 friends, Hannah and Naomi, because they play such an important role in my emotional well being and are always there when I need them. I feel safe with Ryan being out of town knowing that I have them 2 to keep me company and stay with me just in case anything happens like spontaneous labor or w/e. Hooray for grown up sleep overs!!




That's about it for now. I don't want to make this post too too long, which I am certain it probably already is. Thank you everyone for being constant supporters of this journey. We can't wait to reach the end and see these gorgeous girls. Tori just showed me their coming home outfits and Oh My Gawd, people.... Be ready for cuteness overload.

Coasting Along

Well, this pregnancy is coasting along pretty easily. Usually in the mornings I look small, and then my evening and once I have had my dinner I look like I finally have a pregnancy pooch. I think a lot of people are in disbelief when we tell them I am 15 weeks with twins. I try to drink a smoothie while I am at work to help make sure I am getting a good amount of protein, etc. I just can't seem to pig out. I use to really really enjoy food, and now I seem to eat only our of necessity. I am never in love with my meal, it is either just OK or edible. I use to love to eat certain meals, but I just cant seem to get excited about food right now. It doesn't help that when I do eat, I can only manage 5 -6 bites before I feel full and push my plate away. My doctor isn't concerned yet, since the babies have both been measuring right on track, but I'm hoping it won't be an issue down the road. Fingers crossed my appetite picks up, although the bigger you get in pregnancy, you usuasly get squished in your stomach space, which makes it harder to eat big meals too. Another pregnancy related issue I have been dealing with is acid reflux. Seems like no matter what I eat, if I just ate or haven't eaten in a few hours, I get acid reflux. One time I was out at lunch and mid sentence I acid reflux vomited in my mouth a tiny bit, but then swallowed it right away. super gross, but it happens lol. My sense of smell is heightened too, which isn't really bothersome, except in some instances when the smell isn't pleasant and I can't get away from it. Yikes. I have started to feel some distinct baby movements, jabs, tumbles, and kicks this past week and a half. Nothing that can be felt or seen from the outside though. Other than that, the pregnancy is going very smoothly. We dont have our next OB appointment until next Monday (8/10). I get so bored waiting for the appointments to come around. we got spoiled with weekly appointments at the specialists. But life has been busy too, so I guess it is a good thing as well.

This week, my husband, Ryan, and son, Hayden, are in Alabama visiting my family... without me lol. Seems a bit odd, but I didn't want to travel and stress myself out, but still really wanted Hayden to have the opportunity to visit with my dad's side of the family, who he doesn't get to see hardly ever. We had our nephew, Daiton, down here visiting for a few weeks and had a very nice visit, even took the boys to the waterpark, which they loved. With them gone till Friday, I am looking forward to just relaxing at home and taking it easy.

 Splashway water park with Daiton, Ryan, and Hayden, 

who insisted on kissing my belly for the picture <3

On Saturday, Tori set up a table at Tony's Family restaurant in Sealy to sell raffle tickets and had a good turnout. She decided to also see about setting up a table in Rosenberg and was able to sell tickets at La Casona on Sunday. We had several people buy tickets and several simply opt to make a cash donation. The Rosenberg Fire Department stopped by for their lunch and several of the guys bought tickets too and we took a group pic by the fire truck. They are super awesome and active in the community. (same station where my son received his Junior fire fighter award!)

Rosenberg Fire Dept. and Team Baby Fisher at La Casona

The benefit is right around the corner and we are getting more and more excited about it. Shirts are being made. I ordered ones for myself, Ryan, and Hayden so we can all match at the benefit. They are super cute!  raffle tickets yet, you better get on the ball! or If you will be present at the benefit on the 15th, you can purchase them there as well. Also, there will be a diaper raffle drawing too, so if you are planning to come to the benefit, bring a box of any size diapers to be entered to win.

That is pretty much all for now. The pregnancy couldn't be going any smoother! just waiting for my belly to pop so people can start believing me when I say I am carrying twins!

First Trimester = Done!!

Hey Guys!!

I apologize for taking so so so long to do another blog entry. I could lie and say that I've been extremely busy, but the truth is I'm not that busy, I just either forget to sit down and turn on the laptop or sleep wins over, etc. I've been telling myself for the past 3 weeks that I absolutely need to get on and update my blog and then I somehow manage to push it off just a little longer. Totally my fault! But I haven't been completely idle either with my time. We have had several doctors appointments but are officially done with the fertility clinic and graduated to the regular OB. I was so excited to be off all meds, especially the vaginal inserts. Those things sucked soooo much!! and my butt is somehow still tender and sore from all those shots. I tell you, for those who think being a surrogate is an easy task, a walk in the park, or some magical get rich scheme, you couldn't be more wrong. You have to be 100% invested with your heart and be ready for all the physical and emotional roller coasters. And believe me, it can be a crazy ride!!

So far with the pregnancy though, nothing has been too crazy, other than the fact that I am going to carry twins somehow! I had some nausea, some constipation, hormone headaches, some sour stomach/acid reflux, but all of that is normal pregnancy stuff and surprisingly hasn't been as bad as I feared it would be with twins. I've actally only thrown up once, outside in the front yard exorcism style, but its all good. It seems to be fading as we enter the 2nd trimester. So far I have also only gained roughly 3 pounds. Right now I tip the scales at 104.7lbs and I started out around 101.5lbs. I still have no idea how much I will gain over the course of the pregnancy. My doctor suggests 35-45lbs for twin pregnancies, but since I only gained 20lbs with my last pregnancy, she wont be concerned if its on the lower end. However.. have you seen Tori and Mikie?! They aren't tiny little asians like my last Intended parents, so who knows how big I will actually get. One fellow surro whose journey I followed on facebook was about my size when she started out, had twins and gained close to 80lbs! She was adorable and huge just right in her belly, and said that she didn't even have to try to put on the weight, it just came. So I guess it could go either way, only time will tell. I'm getting a little pudgy, but I was expecting to show a little more and a lot sooner. Maybe the girls are just being nice to me =P

I really loved going to our weekly appointments at HFI. Each week we got to see how much the girls had grown and developed. Now that we are at the OB our appointments are spaced out more, so the wait is killer. It looks like the only chance I will have at delivering these girls vaginally is if they are both head down. If they are not both head down, I will be an automatic c-section, which is not something I particularly want, but it is what it is. My OB will also induce me by 38 weeks so the girls will be here around January 8th if they don't come sooner on their own. That seems so far away but I am sure it will fly by quickly. For now I am enjoying being pregnant and spending time with Tori and Mikie to grow closer as friends.


The Team Baby Fisher benefit is going to be on August 15th at Creekmoore's sports bar in Sealy, Tx from 10am till midnight. I am hoping that we get a great turnout, as we have had lots of wonderful items donated for the raffle and auction. I have tickets for the raffle for sale for $10 each so if anyone wants to purchase any, let me know! You dont have to be present to win. They will also have BBQ plates for sale at the benefit, as well as a bounce house for kids ($5 wristband to jump all day) and sno cones for sale with a portion of proceeds going to Tori and Mikie. It is unbelievable how much these medical expenses cost, and they still have bills racking up for OB care and the delivery. I honestly don't know how Tori and Mikie, or any couple for that matter, gets through these journeys with their sanity intact. I'm sure one look at their baby girls will wipe away all those nights of worry and stress.

Since I will pretty much be living for the day of delivery, I decided to hire a birth photographer to capture all those special moments. I asked a very special friend, a fellow surrogate, and coincidentally my previous lawyer, but currently Mike and Tori's lawyer, to take the birth photographs. She is a jack of all trades and seriously amazing as both a lawyer and a photographer. The only downside is if I indeed have to have  a c-section, the hospital may restrict how many people can be present in the OR, meaning we may not be able to capture the actual birth or the first time Mike and Tori lay eyes on Zoey and Kinsley. Yet another reason why I am crossing all my fingers that the girls are head down so we can try for a vaginal delivery.

Because this pregnancy was achieved through IVF, we are going to have to go to a MFM specialist for the 20 week anatomy ultrasounds so they can get the best look possible at the girls' hearts and organs to make sure they are in tip top shape. They can also look to make sure the girls are indeed girls, which they definitely should be since the embryos were PGD tested.

Other than that, the girls are doing absolutely wonderful. They always measure right on track and their heartbeats are beating right in the range they need to be. We can all finally breathe a little easier now that we are out of the first trimester. That's all for now. Sleep is starting to win again. I'll try not to go so long between posts but I can't make any promises! Thank you all for being wonferful supporters of me and the Fishers.

 Tori and I at our 1st OB appt

Starting to show!! Now watch me grow!!

Double the Trouble && Twice the Fun

So, it's TWINS!

Baby A had a heartbeat of 114 and Baby B had a heartbeat of 117. I can't say that I am surprised. I knew on transfer day when Dr. Kim told us the embryos were graded 4AA and 5AA that these babies were the ones. It hasn't been until the last few days that I really started to feel pregnant though. Even with our high beta numbers, I was worried because I didn't FEEL pregnant, and I almost wished I would have terrible morning sickness or tender boobs just for reassurance. But with each week, the nervousness settles.  With a normal pregnancy, I wouldn't stress or worry this much. But this is not a normal pregnancy in the slightest. This pregnancy is special and I have been assigned the task to handle such special manners. No pressure lol. It may seem a little backwards but it's true. I not only have to worry about a pregnancy as I normally would, but I also have the added weight of the worry of  the Intended Parents as well. The stakes are higher. I dread ever having to tell them bad news. Hopefully I won't ever have to. These feelings, in combination with the added pregnancy hormones have led to some crazy dreams lately too. In one dream, Tori called me to tell me my blood work showed I was miscarrying. I hated that dream so much, I had to wake myself up and try to go back to sleep with a happier dream in it's place. Another dream of mine was that someone was trying to sabotage the pregnancy by slipping a pill into my food that would cause a miscarriage. Last's night's dream was that we went for our ultrasound and it was triplets. So lots of scary dreams, but I don't ever put too much stock into dreams. I'm  hoping those kinds of dreams go away when we enter the 2nd trimester.

The past week and a half has had several ups and downs, but not the kind in my dreams. We had our first ultrasound last Wednesday, where we were able to see the 2 sacks and tiny seed size babies. We were 5 weeks and 5 days and could see the flickering of a heartbeat with baby A, but baby B did not have a visible heartbeat at this point. That wasn't causae for concern though, and we sort of expected it since we were having all of our appointments a tad bit earlier than we should. I also got routine blood work done to check my progesterone and estrogen levels. After the appointment we had our traditional post appointment breakfast. I am now at the point where if I don't eat in time, I will feel sick. And then I regret ever wishing for morning sickness as a sign of pregnancy. Fortunately, no actual vomiting has taken place yet. I am very hesitant to get too excited about it being twins, because with my last surrogacy journey, it started out as twins but baby B stopped developing some time between week 6 and week 8. So I'm still holding my breath. Tori and Mikie know this too, and so we have talked about how if that ends up happening again with this pregnancy, we will still be happy to have the one baby. Our nurse, Vanessa, who does the ultrasounds for us though says that both babies seem to be doing good and we have a good chance of them continuing to grow. I know a lot of people are looking at me and expecting me to freak out about having to carry twins, but the truth of the matter is I am just so happy for Tori and Mikie that my fear of growing too big, being on bed rest, or 'ruining my body' is totally eclipsed by the miracle that this pregnancy and birth will be. Every stretch mark gained will be well earned, because the further along I go, the better chances the babies will have at being healthy. My goal is to carry at least to 35 weeks. Another reason why I am ready to embrace this twin pregnancy is because I dislike people doubting me. You say I can't possibly carry twins? Watch me. I have my goals set and I am determined to meet them. I don't like to be underestimated. In the words of Shakespeare, "though she be but little, she is fierce."

The bad news for the week came on Thursday afternoon. Ryan called me and delivered the news that he had just been laid off. With the Oil Industry circling the drain the last few months, he was lucky enough to survive the first 2 rounds of layoffs. Unfortunately, business had not picked up much, so they had to do a 3rd small round of layoffs. While it sucks that Ryan is now without a job, the most upsetting part of this news for me was the fact that we would now be without insurance coverage. Prior to matching, I had looked into my insurance policy and was reassured that a surrogacy pregnancy would be covered just as a normal pregnancy, which was great news because this would cut down the expenses of OB care and Delivery costs. A rough estimate of what it costs to pay out of pocket for a vaginal delivery without complications is about 10,000. Seeing as we are currently pregnant with twins, the expenses would increase, along with the risk of needing a c-section, so it may end up costing around 15,000 or more. We are looking into getting me covered through cobra, but I am also really hoping that Ryan can find a job very soon and that the job offers insurance coverage on the date of hire. Please cross your fingers that his job hunt is successful and that we regain insurance coverage very very soon. When Ryan told me the news, I knew it meant I would have to call Tori and tell her this. Again, I hate being bearer of bad news. I immediately called her and said "I don't know how to tell you this, but I bad news." She was fairly silent on her end, so I continued on. "Ryan just got laid off, so I no longer have insurance for the pregnancy." Still she was pretty silent. I began to talk about our options for Cobra and that Ryan was going to immediately start looking for new jobs. After we got off the phone, Tori sent me a text to apologize for being so silent, but her heart had dropped into her stomach when I told her I had bad news because she thought I was calling to tell her I was losing the babies. I immediately felt so guilty. It did not even cross my mind that a miscarriage would be her first thought. So when it is put into perspective that way, the loss of a job is not as bad as the loss of the pregnancy and we are still so blessed to have the baby girls still growing in me.

I weighed myself recently and am at 103.5 lbs. I usually never go over 102lbs. Also, since I wasn't able to workout like I normally did, I have noticed I already have a small stomach pudge. I have been cleared to resume normal activity now, but am going to ease back into working out. So far my pregnancy symptoms have been: Nausea, tiredness, food aversions, and shortness of breath. I even get short of breath just by talking.  During a skype chat with someone, I was getting short of breath but trying not to let it show because it seems a little silly to be out of breath and I'm not even close to being big lol. Its like my body is not using the oxygen the same as it was before. So I can imagine this may make my workouts a little difficult too. I also had to change my med protocol just a little bit. Instead of taking my Estrace pills 3 times a day by mouth, Dr, Kim switched it to vaginal. The pills are blue, so I get blue/turquoise goo. How lovely. But like I said before, I am pretty honest and open about everything involved in this process. So now it constantly looks like I banged a smurf. The meds haven't been too bad this go-around, but I will be doing a happy dance the day I get to stop meds.

Over the weekend, Tori and I went to hobby lobby and picked out some fabric for me to reupholster a vanity chair that has been in my family for about 10 years, but wasn't currently being used. I thought would be perfect for a girls nursery. Yesterday I went ahead and knocked it all out. I think it turned out pretty cute, and can't wait to see the whole nursery put together. Tori also bought me a few new yoga pants this weekend so that her babies had a little more room to breathe and grow lol. I have graduated from a size XS to a size S. I wonder what size I will be in by the end of the pregnancy?!

I'm still trying to find a job as well, but it seems like even more of a difficult and daunting task now that we know it is twins. I can't imagine any employer would be jumping up and down at the thought of hiring me, knowing that I will have several doctors appointments throughout the pregnancy, and the risk of early delivery and difficult recovery. There is just no sugar coating it, I am not at the top of the list for desirable employees. And this makes me kind of sad. I need an income too. I know there are laws that are suppose to protect women from discrimination such as this, but this is the reality of life. I can't MAKE anyone hire me. So I will just keep applying at different places until someone gives me a yes. A sad realization I had about the way life works was when someone close to me actually used my pregnancy as a reason for why I might not be a good person for them to recommend for a job position that they had a lot of influence over. If it weren't for the fact that I was pregnant, she more than likely would not have hesitated for a second to recommend me for the position. If those we love can't even give us pregnant women the fair treatment we deserve, then how can I expect complete strangers to either. If you are in a position of power where you have a say in who gets hired or not, I ask you to reflect on your choices and not discriminate against women who are expecting. Yes we get morning sickness or extremely tired at times, require time off for appointments and delivery, but a pregnancy doesn't last forever and we have bills to pay too. So please just keep that in mind.

We will continue to go every Monday for our ultrasounds until the end of June, and then we will be released to my OB! In a few weeks, Ryan and I have plans for a small summer vacation to Canyon Lake, and have invited Tori and Mikie to join us for the weekend too. I am excited and looking forward to having (safe) fun out on the water. Who knows, this may be the last time I look decent in a 2 piece bikini! A quick reminder too that the benefit is going to be held in August! So if you have items to donate for the auction, plan on being a team for the cookoff, or just being in attendance to eat, drink, and celebrate the pregnancy with us, then let us know! We cannot wait. Yall have been such wonderful support and encouragement.

Jade

POAS and Beta Results!

I apologize if many of y'all have been waiting for results. The 2 week wait is very taunting. Luckily, Dr. Kim had told us we could come in early, around day 9 post transfer for our first beta. During that time I have been peeing on sticks like crazy, starting on day 1.75dp5dt and every day after that, looking for the slightest sign of a positive. On day 4 I finally received a pee stick that looked like it might have a slight squinter of a positive second line. I wasn't 100% sure, and didn't want to say anything to Tori until I knew for sure, so I waited till the afternoon, hoping my HCG levels would increase a little throughout the day. A surro friend of mine had sent me some left over digital pregnancy tests so I decided to give one of those a try, not really expecting it to be positive yet since it was so early, but hoping that maybe it would be. I took the stick to the bathroom and did the deed. I decided to pull out my phone while the test was processing and video it, and I am so glad I did because after a few minutes, the words "pregnant 1-2 weeks" popped up on the screen and so I was able to capture my genuine excited response and immediately sent it to Tori, who had been waiting for any kind of news. I sent it to her via text and waited for her response. It took her about 40 minutes to reply, which had me practically dying with anticipation. I began to wonder if she was frozen in shock, or fainted, or if she just hadn't seen it yet, until finally she responded with just a flurry of "OMGs". I continued to take tests every morning of each passing day and watched as each one got darker and darker. Ryan started to get tired of seeing all my pee sticks. I keep them in a baggie in my night stand. Yeah, that's not creepy or obsessive or anything, right? lol. I gave HFI a call to schedule our blood draw for Monday and had to go the rest of the week and weekend with my game face on. I didn't want to give anyone any clues, which was a tad bit hard, but manageable. I have a pretty good game face but was ready for Monday to roll around. When I told Ryan, we were just casually laying in bed watching TV and I said "babe, I'm pregnant". He response was a very dull, "yeah I hope so." I didn't correct him or tell him that I was being serious. Instead I sent him a dubsmash video of me holding the positive pregnancy test and saying "surprise, motha fucka!" When he got it he just laughed and turned over and kissed me, then asked me if I had told Tori yet because he loves being the first one to tell people exciting news. Luckily I had beat him to it this time!

I told y'all I was a POAS-aholic

I continued my week as normal, taking my final exams for school, going to work, taking my meds and getting my shots, etc. As far as pregnancy symptoms go, I haven't felt much of a change just yet. I felt a few twinges around day 2 and 3 after transfer, which I assumed was possibly implantation. I had no spotting or cramping, which were both reassuring signs, but other than that, everything has been pretty quiet. No nausea or tender breasts just yet. I can't remember when it was I started to notice pregnancy symptoms with my last one, but like that say, every pregnancy is different so maybe baby fisher is just being really nice to me?! lol Only time will tell. I have noticed though that my appetite has increased. I went to a dinner at Benihana's and almost completely cleaned my plate, which rarely happens. I usually always have left overs to bring home.It seems like every meal time ends with a clean plate now. Whoops! Maybe it's just a mental thing though. But if I continue to eat this way, then I can bet this will likely be my biggest pregnancy yet. I gained 30 lbs total with Hayden and only 20 lbs with Jaden. I'd like to stick under 30 lbs with this pregnancy too, unless its twins, in which case I may need to try and gain 35 to 40 lbs.

Finally Monday arrived. Hayden was not feeling well so I didn't take him to daycare that day. We had a very rough night with Hayden awake the majority of the night in some serious pain.n wanted to move, so it was a good thi He hardly even wanted to move, so it was a good thing Tori was there to hold him and baby him, because I definitely didn't need to be lifting him. We were in and out of the office in no time. All I had to do was get my blood drawn very quickly, asked about my butt because I seemed to be having an allergic reaction to the PIO meds, which seems to be pretty common, your body can develop antibodies to the meds over time, and then we headed to Chik-fil-a to eat breakfast and wait for the phone call with our results. I could tell Mikie was nervous, and understandably so. He had no idea I had been getting positive pee tests because he didn't want the false hope. Hayden slept the whole time we were at breakfast, and the three of us chit chatted until finally the nurse called and told Tori the news. My beta was 587 and I was definitely pregnant! Hooray! This was very awesome news, even though I knew it would be positive, it was still great to hear those numbers. We scheduled our second beta for Wednesday morning. Betas are expected to double every 48 hours so by Wednesday my numbers should be in the 1,000s. We still didn't want to announce the news to anyone until after second beta results. Again, this is totally understandable and well advised because you're not considered 'in the clear' till after the first trimester is over. It is very hard and emotionally draining to announce positive news and then if something bad happens, to have people constantly asking how things are going and have to deliver the bad news over and over again. Hopefully that will not happen this time around. Even so, there is just no way we could hold the news in for that long lol.

 The adorable pregnancy announcement board

Wednesday was like a deja vu of Monday, except minus Hayden because he was actually feeling much better and at daycare this time. Tori brought me some of her benadryl cream for my toosh too. We went in early in the morning for blood work, went to chick-fil-a to eat breakfast and waited for results. We even sat in the same exact booth, I guess for good luck lol. The call came in and second beta was at 1120. Right on track. Now our next appointment is scheduled for next Wednesday for an ultrasound to do bean count! We may or may not be able to see/hear heartbeats because it is still pretty early, but we should be able to at least see if there are one or two babies in there. If it is a singleton, our due date will be Jan. 23rd and if it is twins then our due date will be sometime in Dec. I am very excited for this next appointment. For Tori and Mikie, this is all new territory because they didn't make it this far with their previous transfers. I am hoping the good news continues on. When we do finally have an ultrasound with heartbeat confirmation, then I should be allowed to resume normal activity. I have missed the gym so so much. I won't start off again working out as hard or as long as I was prior to the transfer, but I do intend to work myself up to a healthy, manageable, and satisfying routine. I am much happier when I get that endorphin release from a good workout. Ryan will also be happy because, as many of y'all may not know, the life of a surro husband can be a bit of a drag at times. There are restrictions on intimate activity usually until heartbeat confirmation, and sometimes even a few weeks prior to transfer, or even longer than heartbeat confirmation. And then of course later down the road there are the postpartum restrictions as well. Although he gets a bit whiny towards the end, he is pretty good at waiting for the green light. Sorry if this is TMI but it is a fact about surro life and I like to try to remain pretty transparent about what goes into being a surrogate or the husband/child of a surrogate because it does affect the whole family. I suppose I should start taking progression shots of my belly as it grows. I am really interested to see if I will carry any differently since a lot of people say boy and girl bellies look different. I am so little, I don't think my body has much of an option of how to carry the baby/babies lol. 

Thanks again every one for your sticky vibes and baby dust, prayers and well wishes. Hopefully Tori and Mikie can close that IVF chapter for good and we can move on to the OB and pregnancy chapter. I know it won't feel like it on some nights, but these next 8 months are going to fly by. I will be roughly 16 wks pregnant at the benefit in August, which will be great to have a belly at that time. Lets all continue to think positively as we move forward! So far all the positive thinking has worked! Grow, baby/babies, Grow!

Transfer day and Bed Rest

All last week had been building up so much excitement and emotions for transfer day. We knew the transfer would take place on Thursday, but we didn't know the exact time yet. Wednesday I received the call from the clinic to arrive at 9:30am to the Piney Point location, with Ibuprofen, 2 water bottles, a top and bottom outfit (since I would be removing my bottoms) and socks to help keep me warm. Transfer would take place at 10:30am. I notified Tori immediately and began to pick out all my stuff. I pulled out my comfy, favorite workout pants, and the green HFI Katy shirt from the Resolve Walk of Hope that we had all 3 planned to wear as our matching good luck t-shirts. I was also hunting for some matching green good luck socks, but apparently a little gremlin  who likes to steal mommy's socks had taken my only pair of green ones and wore a hole in them... so those were out of the question. I swear that boy is a sock thief. I do not understand how mommy's socks are better than his, but for some reason he swears they are and always steals them and ruins them. My next best sock option was to wear hot pink ones since we knew the embryos were girls. I also decided to paint my finger nails and toes nails pink. Hayden always asks me to paint his nails too whenever I do mine. It doesn't bother me, but it drives Ryan crazy, which almost makes me enjoy it more. I don't really care what people think about my son's toes being painted. He likes it and I like making him happy. I'm sure eventually he will outgrow it, but for now I am enjoying the time spent with him and look forward to future stories that I will get to tell his girlfriends, wife, and kids one day and embarrass him with. I worked Wednesday night so I  made sure to drink a smoothie with some pineapple in it. I have heard that eating pineapple prior to IVF is another good luck superstition, because it supposedly has enzymes that help with implantation. I am glad I thought to drink it in a smoothy rather than eat pineapple by itself because I am not a big pineapple fan. Also at work, we have a dry erase board where we write notes such as who needs what days off. This is was my day off requests look like.... #surrolife!

The morning of the transfer, Tori and Mikie came to pick me up. I was trying to get myself ready and do my make up since I knew we would most likely snap some pictures throughout the day, and had to get Hayden off to daycare. Unfortunately, Hayden was not having a very good morning. He was upset that mommy had washed his new shoes. They were all dirty from being at the farm that weekend, but had not finished drying. Nana was going to drop him off at school for me, but he said no, he only wanted mommy to drop him off. I tried to explain to him that mommy really did not want to run late because today was the big day that the babies would be put inside mommy's tummy. He looked at me from the bed as soon as I said this and asked "Why do they need TWO babies?" I told him "They don't NEED two babies, it is just how many we are going to try to put in  mommy's belly and hope they stick. It may be two or it may be just one, but either way it will be Tori and Mikie's baby/babies" This answer seemed to satisfy him.  I am guessing he got worried for a second that if it were two babies that one would come home with us, haha. Oh, my spoiled little only child. He is so happy with the status quo of our family dynamics. After that convo, we all loaded up in Tori and Mikie's car and drove Hayden to daycare. In the car, Hayden noticed the basket of goodies that Tori had put together for me as my transfer gift. She really hit the nail on the head with her purchases. The basket contained several pregnancy tests, some super cute workout shirts and a blingy water bottle, a dressy top, a polka dot dress, a stuffed kangaroo with a little roo in it's pouch (symbolic of a book about surrogacy), sour patch straws (my favorite kind of candy) and some gum. Tori's mom had also got hayden an alligator t-shirt from Australia. I also presented Tori with her transfer gift, which was a charm that reads "For this Child I have Prayed" along with a tiny pink elephant to represent the girl embryos.

From there, it is was off to Houston, fighting traffic and watching Mikie stress over being late. Bless his heart, he seemed so anxious you would have thought it was about to be him up on that table with people probing his privates lol.We ended up NOT being late. In fact we arrived to our exit half an hour early, so we stopped and grabbed some Chik-fil-A for breakfast. We chatted about how things would happen at the clinic, since this was my first time using their clinic and each clinic has their own protocol. For example, my previous clinic would only allow 1 person to go back with me for the transfer and it was a tiny room, with only the doctor and his assistant and the embryologist through a window. I also was not required to take a Valium, whereas HFI clinic allowed up to 3 people to go back in the room, which was much larger and had several staff members all around (seriously, like 5 other people), and their protocol involved taking a Valium. I initially wanted to opt out of the Valium, but most of the things I had heard about it weren't bad. They said it would help relax me for the procedure, as well as relax my uterine muscles. The procedure is not very painful, but I was worried about how I might act on Valium. I prefer to be consciously aware and remember everything, so that I feel more in control. I also asked Tori how much of me everyone might see. I am not very shy when it comes to clinical procedures, but with Mikie being in the room too, I wanted to be able to mentally prepare myself to be exposed to so many new people all at once. At my previous clinic, I was stripped from the waist down and it was all pretty much out there on display. I remember how cold the room was and how my body was involuntarily shaking. It doesn't take long though to put the embryos in so I wasn't freezing forever. Tori assured me I would be pretty well covered, and she was right!.... I think lol. We finished breakfast and made it to the clinic right on time. Mikie dropped us off at the door and parked in the garage while Tori and I headed upstairs to check in. I had been sipping on my first water bottle the whole ride and was beginning to feel rather full. Tori needed to use the restroom and asked if I wanted to use the restroom too. I initially said no, since I would need a full bladder for the transfer, but then she pointed out that they don't want me too uncomfortably full and that we had a whole hour to refill my bladder with bottle #2, so I went ahead and relieved myself. We sat in the waiting room, took a few selfies, and were expecting to settle in and wait, but then a nurse came and called me back. I thought to myself, holy crap, I'm not even near having a full bladder now! Better start chugging! She took me back to a tiny room first, where we went over paperwork, took my ibuprofen and Valium, and got me dressed in the patient garb, which consisted of a standard hospital gown, booties, and a hair net. Once I was all settled, Tori and Mikie came to the room to get their outfit on, which was a full on jumpsuit, booties, and gown. I was hoping to have a few more minutes in this new patient holding area to fill my bladder, but nope! Dr. Kim arrived, showed us the beautiful embryos that we were going to transfer (Graded 4AA and 5AA!), explained the procedure a little, and asked if I was ready to go. I told him I didn't feel quite full yet, and proceeded to chug the entire second bottle of water in front of all the nurses and staff as they surrounded us and waited to escort us into the room. They looked at me and said "oh, you're going to be feeling that water after the procedure, just wait, it will hit you" Oh great lol. Dr. Kim was really great though and assured me that he would work with whatever I had in my bladder. Whew!

As I walk into the room, with my backside towards the door they tell me to drop the blanket that was wrapped around my waist and hop up on the table. I obliged, but they hadn't shut the door yet since more staff members were entering and so I am pretty sure a lot of other people out in the hallway caught a glimpse of my incredibly tiny toosh. whoops! I climb up on the table and they start to get me ready by placing my legs in the stirrups, wrapping my legs in warm blankets, raising my gown to what I think was my stomach area? (I couldn't see much while lying down) and then laid more warm blankets across my arms, detached the bottom portion of the bed where Dr. Kim would sit to do the procedure, and angled the bed with my head lowered. I am not too certain, but I think a lot more of me was visible than I anticipated, based on what Tori had told me, but it would be silly of me to think I could make it through the whole procedure without being somewhat exposed. Since I couldn't tell if I was exposed or not, I didn't feel too uncomfortable, but I hope Tori and Mikie weren't uncomfortable, if so. You always wonder where to direct your gaze... kind of like Medusa, you can't stare at it, but you can't NOT stare at it lol. They put the ultrasound gel on my tummy, looked around for a little while to get an optimal view, and then it was go time. The catheters were inserted and we could see on the ultrasound monitor the white dot where the baby fisher embryos would come out of the tube and enter my uterus/their hopefully new home. I looked over at Tori and Mikie to make sure they were doing ok. They were holding hands and Tori just smiled at me. It reminded me so much of when I was in labor with my first surrobaby, Jaden, and his mom was up by my shoulder too, anxiously awaiting to meet her son. Parallel moments forever engrained into my memory. Once they were in, I was cleaned up, transferred to a rolling bed, and wheeled into a recovery room, where doctor Kim told me to lay for about 20 minutes. This is when my bladder finally started to feel full, and when the Valium seemed to kick in.

I'm not sure if we were actually back there for 20 minutes or if the Valium made it feel shorter, but time flew! Dr, Kim popped back in to check on us, told me I was clear to get up and go potty if I needed to, and wished us good luck. We discussed doing blood work at day 9 and I mentioned how my HCG levels were usually pretty high, especially since my last IVF was initially twins. He told me that asians actually tend to have higher HCG levels in general, which I thought was some pretty darn neat information. Then I told him "Thanks for knocking me up!" and we all giggled. Another nurse came by and told us we were free to leave so Mikie and Tori exited the room/curtain to let me dress in private. Standing up vertically really made me need to pee, so I ducked around the curtain and asked the first staff member where the restroom was. It was this sweet adult male nurse, and he linked arms with me and began to walk me towards the restroom. I must have looked at him with a puzzled expression, because he explained to me how he was holding on to me so I wouldn't fall since the Valium had be a little drunk. I hadn't felt loopy until he mentioned it, and then it somehow suddenly became aware to me that I was feeling a bit loopy. I came out of the bathroom and they had a wheelchair waiting for me to sit in and take me to the car. Once we left, I reminded Mikie and tori of yet another superstition to eat some McDonalds french friends after the transfer. I told Mikie to just order a small because I didn't really feel too hungry, but he went ahead and got a large and a scarfed them down! Valium munchies? Is that a thing? lol

I don't remember much of the car ride home. I don't think I fell asleep, but my memory is just a little spotty. We arrived to Tori and Mikie's house to drop Mikie off and I went inside to use the restroom again. Tori claims I was walking a bit wobbly, but I don't remember it that way lol. I thought I was doing I mighty fine job of walking straight, but I'll trust her memory over mine in this case. Tori and I loaded back up in the car and headed home to spend the day in bed, relaxing. I was slightly dreading best rest for 3 days, since my last clinic did not require any bed rest whatsoever, just 'light duty'. I hate being cooped up in bed all day but orders are orders, and I at least had Tori to keep me company the first day. I wanted to take a nap but couldn't really fall asleep so I watched 7 episodes of Orange is the New Black on Netflix until I finally started to doze off. Ryan and Hayden returned home and it woke me up. Tori told Hayden the babies had been transferred into my belly now, and so he came over to my side of the bed to lift my shirt and look and gently love on my belly. He is just too darn sweet sometimes. Other times I swear he is the spawn of Satan, but usually when it involves babies in mommy's belly, he is a total sweetheart. Friday I was on my own for bed rest. Kristina stopped by the house and brought me a breakfast taco, and then I was back to being alone in my bed. That night as I was laying in bed with Ryan watching basketball, Ryan randomly hops up and starts to throw his clothes on. "I'll be right back, don't worry about where I am going" he says. Umm ok? As his wife, I have learned to just roll with things and let Ryan be weird. He shows up 15 minutes later with a big ass ice cream cake from marble slab, It had "Get Preggo" written on it and was just the cutest, sweetest thing he's done for me in while. He can come off as a big jerk, but he is truly an awesome guy who knows how to treat his wife right. I love it.  Hayden and I each had a big slice before bed. It sort of a pregnancy tradition for me to eat copious amounts of marble slab ice cream. When I was pregnant  with Hayden, I would eat roughly 3 pints of marble slab ice cream per week, finishing each pint off in a single night. I am not sure how I did not explode into a ball of fat! Good genes, I guess. Thanks mom!

Today, Tori came into town again and we went to Kristina's house to hang out and I got to love on Hutch while they went shopping at target. Tori came back with yet another back of awesome workout clothes for me. Either I am too predictable, or she is just really good at gift giving! I was feeling pretty tired again, and decided I'd like to return to my bed, as much as I hate being alone, to rest. I am not sure if I am feeling anything pregnancy wise yet. Sometimes I think I feel spasms or twinges in my stomach, but it could just be gas pains lol. Or I think the tiredness could be a sign too, but I am a nap-taker anyways so that won't work as a tell take sign either. I had some slight nausea this morning too, but again, it could just be a side effect of the medications I am on since I was experiencing nausea 2 days prior to the transfer as well. I will continue to pay close attention to my body, and begin peeing on sticks, while we anxiously await for blood draw to get beta numbers. I won't be confirming or denying a pregnancy until Tori and Mikie announce anything, so y'all will just have to wait and see!! please continue to send all your sticky vibes and baby dust, and think positive!!

Also, we would like to say a big thank you to everyone who has offered items and services for the benefit we are planning. The date has had a few changes, to allow us more time to prepare, and so make sure it doesn't coincide with other cookoffs in the area at the same time since we want the benefit to be as successful as possible! Here is one of the items from The Chunky Funky/ Kristy Hebert. Super cute Team Baby Fisher Koozies! They are for sale for $8 and 50% of the profit will go to the Team Baby Fisher fund to help pay for all the medical expenses; past, present, and future. They are seriously so cute, but hopefully I won't be able to use them for another 9+ months unless it is to keep my root beer cold!

Also, if you would like to donate money to the GofundMe page the link is http://www.gofundme.com/teambabyfisher

Thank you all again for your outpouring of love and support!

Transfer Week is Upon Us!

Each day closer to Thursday (transfer day) builds up more and more excitement! I have been taking estrace pills, baby aspirin, prenatal vitamins, and started the Progesterone shots on Saturday. So far they haven't been too bad. I use a 22 gauge, 1 1/2 inch needle, and the oil is so thick I can feel Ryan's hands shaking when he is trying to push the medicine in. After a while my butt will get sore or bruised, but the pain and discomfort is only for a short while. So long as it results in a successful pregnancy, the shots will never bother me. I can tell my hormones are going crazy, though! I've never had the best complexion, but I feel like a teenager who just hit puberty. Ugh! Not attractive, but whatever lol. I'm already married so I don't have to worry too much about my looks, haha!

I love saying out loud to people that I am getting pregnant on Thursday because it always results in this bewildered look until I explain the situation. When you think about it though, it is pretty neat knowing exactly how old any resulting babies will be. Science has it down to where we can know exactly how many days old the embryos are, and I get to know the exact date that I became pregnant. Yay, go science!

But with the excitement comes the worry too. I worry that the transfer won't result in a successful pregnancy, and that Tori and Mikie will want to give up without having anything to show for all of their efforts. I want this so badly for them. Tori has expressed some doubt about whether the transfer will be successful on the first try either due to some comments and conversations on support group pages. I always try to stay positive and told her not to compare our journey to anyone else's. Some of those people may have been using older eggs, or transferred eggs of lower quality, etc. There is no winning combination for how to guarantee a successful transfer/pregnancy. We all just try the best we can and hope for the best results. Just out of curiosity, I decided to post a poll question on my Surrogate support group and got some very positive feedback!

We announced about a week ago that we are working on putting together a fundraising event in June. The plan is to have a cook-off, raffle drawing, and auction. I ask that if any of y'all work at a business that might be willing to contribute an item, or like to participate as a team in the cook-off to please contact us and let us know. We have already had some great responses and we truly appreciate the outpouring of love and support. Hopefully by the time of the fundraiser I will have a little baby bump starting to form and any money raised can go to past fertility treatment costs rather than future ones.

I take my final exams next week so I will be done with school and can hopefully focus on getting/being pregnant without all this extra worry piling up on me. At the same time though, I need to get a full time job, and preferably ASAP because I know how difficult it can be to get a job when you are visibly pregnant. Even though employers are not suppose to discriminate against expecting mothers, it still happens. I would love to land a great full time job that pays well, offers good hours for a mom with a young child, and is also supportive of the surrogacy journey. So if anyone knows of anyone hiring, please let me know!

I got Tori a transfer gift today. Hayden helped me pick it out, but y'all cannot see any pictures of the gift until after the transfer. I'd like to keep it a surprise. Tori also said she has a transfer gift basket for me, and I hope it is stuffed full of pee sticks. I already have two pee sticks waiting, but you can never really have enough! I plan to start peeing on day 3 post transfer, but won't be able to share any news until beta #s or confirmed heartbeat, based on the wishes of Mikie and Tori. A lot of people without these struggles tend to announce the news of a pregnancy as soon as it is discovered, blissfully unaware that something could happen early on in a pregnancy, which is why now that I am more aware of such heartaches, I advise people to wait until they are out of the woods to announce a pregnancy. Especially given Tori and Mikie's past experiences, false hope can almost kill you. We must hope for the best but plan for the worst.

So everyone, remember to send those sticky vibes and baby dust our way on Thursday.