Tummy Mummy For The Fishers : Looking Back & Moving Forward

Hi Everyone!

I say "everyone", but realistically there is probably not a lot of you reading this just yet, and that's OK! I am new to this blogging world, but so very excited to begin sharing my experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Let's start off by getting everyone up to speed. I apologize in advance for the length.

So, to give a little background info about myself: My name is Jade. I am 24 years old and married to my high school sweetheart, Ryan. Together we have a 5 year old son named Hayden. Ryan works in the Oil & Gas industry and I attend college full time at WCJC (graduate this May!). I work a part time job at Smoothie Factory, which I love because my coworkers are awesome and the job is very low stress. I also perform all of the duties involved with being a mom and wife. Oh, and probably the most important detail of my current life situation is that I am a proud SURROGATE!

I became interested in surrogacy after the birth of my son. Even though I became a mother at a young age, I have often been told that I have a very mature soul. Maybe it was all of the postpartum hormones, but after I experienced the joy of birth and having this tiny, living human being in my arms and being flooded with emotions of love and devotion, I experienced a second, and rather unexpected flood of emotions of empathy for those who may not ever get to experience holding and caring for their newborn child/children and watching them grow over the course of a lifetime. I began researching ways to help and discovered that I could be a surrogate once I turned 21. Since I was barely 19, I decided to give myself time to think about surrogacy. After all, it is a big commitment and I was unsure of the whole process or how I might feel. Would I even be a good candidate? Is it hard to give the baby to the parents after being responsible for it's safety and development for 9 months? Would anyone actually be interested in using me as their surrogate? All of these questions swirled in my mind, but I had 2 whole years to sit and think on it before I turned 21. And so that is exactly what I did.

During my research into surrogacy, I also discovered egg donation. The minimum age requirements to be an egg donor was set at 18, so I decided to apply to be an egg donor and considered it sort of like a trial run for the next step into surrogacy. I applied with Houston Fertility Specialists and within a year had been selected by 2 different couples to do back to back egg donations. The timing was perfect, as Ryan and I were planning our wedding and needed the extra income to pay for everything. Throughout the blood-work, screening, and psychological evaluations it became apparent to me that I was blessed with good health and mental strength. Even though it was a closed donation, meaning I knew nothing about the intended parents receiving my eggs, or weather it ever resulted in a pregnancy or not, I was extremely satisfied with the experience and even more impressed with my coping abilities.

After our wedding and honeymoon, I reached the age of 21. Surrogacy was still on my mind, and the small seed of the idea had sprouted. I knew I was ready for the next step. The psychologist who did my evaluation for the egg donation program had handed me a flyer for an agency for surrogacy. I am a bit OCD and very organized so I still had the flyer in all of my paperwork and so I immediately looked into it. The agency was called Fertility Resources of Houston. I submitted my application to be a surrogate for them and within a few short months I was screened and going on potential match meetings for IPs (intended parents). It only took 2 meetings with different couples to find my match: an older Asian couple who had been trying to conceive for a few years, but unfortunately had an ectopic pregnancy, which resulted in surgery, and ended in an emergency hysterectomy. Their only options left now were adoption or surrogacy. I always try to encourage people to refrain from judgment of others decisions, because they do not know how incredibly difficult it actually is to decide to go forward with either option. They chose to try having a child via surrogacy, and had a previous surrogate who unfortunately lost their baby at around 14 weeks. Their doctor recommended they look for a new surrogate, and that is when they found me!

It took 2 transfers: the first transfer we used IM's (intended mother's) last 2 frozen embryos. They were graded poor/fair quality. It was not successful, so our second option was to use an egg donor. Once they selected their donor and did the retrieval, we had our second transfer of 2 fresh embryos graded A and A+ quality. 3 days after the transfer I began peeing on pregnancy tests like crazy. and by the end of day 4 we got a faint positive. I continued to pee on sticks and watched them get darker with each passing day. I did not want to give false hope to the IPs so I bit my tongue and waited till beta. My beta numbers came back through the roof! My surrogate coordinator with the agency told me 'Jade, I want you to mentally prepare yourself for twins, because your numbers are crazy high." Not going to lie, I was freaked the F out. How can someone as tiny as me carry twins?! Will they grow to be healthy? Can I keep them in long enough to be viable outside the womb? What will this do to my body? After the initial shock and worry, I actually became excited. This was potentially wonderful news for the IPs if it were in fact twins. When we went in for the ultrasound at 6 weeks to confirm heartbeats, sure enough it was twins! Unfortunately, the RE doctor told us he didn't think the second baby would continue to grow. By my 8 week ultrasound we discovered he was right, there was only one baby left growing in there. I was feeling so many mixed emotions. I had just began to wrap my head around the idea of carrying twins and getting excited, but I was also relieved to know that it would be a much less scary and overall more healthy pregnancy with just one baby occupying my tiny tummy space. I was released to my regular OB at 10 wks. I decided to chose a new OB, not the one who delivered my son, so I got a recommendation from my mom's coworker/friend. My new OB was Dr. Erica Roberts with Advanced OBGYN and I absolutely loved her. She was so gentle and calm, and most importantly listened to how I wanted my pregnancy and delivery to go down. She also spent time with my IPs to make sure they were included in every step and fully understood what was going on throughout the pregnancy (small language barrier due to IPs Asian background). Overall I had a wonderful pregnancy and delivered a healthy baby boy in October of 2013 at 39 weeks gestation. He was 6lbs 14oz nd 21 inches long. My ribs were so happy to not be kicked and jabbed anymore! IPs were over the moon and so wonderfully grateful for the gift of their child. We continue to maintain a relationship with updates and visits.

For the next 14 months I became a milk factory. I had nursed my son for 6 months, but never exclusively pumped before, so I had no idea how I would do. I gifted my IPs milk for the first month, and then signed up with a milk bank called PMB, located in Cali. It became pretty evident by week 3 that I was a huge producer, averaging around 120 ounces per day. My initial goal was to pump for 6 months to help with recovery. For the first 4 months, I was hooked up to the pump every 2 hours for 1.5 hours, around the clock, morning, noon, and night. It was a full time job. No, it was beyond a full time job. So many nights I wanted to cry and throw in the towel. I would somehow find the strength to push through it. Over time it became easier. I began to space my pumps out, even though my ounces dropped to 100opd. I maintained this schedule till around 9 months pp, then I spaced my pumps further part once more and dropped to 85opd. Everyone in my family became used to my pumping life. My friends also got the memo, as I had to decline several invites to go out or hang out. Anytime someone would call me and ask what I was doing, my answer was always the same: "Just sitting here, pumping." It was an extreme love/hate relationship. I will admit, I looked fan-freaking-tastic. Size zero waist, with 34DDD boobs. They were almost too big though. I could never find a bra that was comfortable, and I also did not want to spend $80 dollars on one either, so I lived in sports bras the whole time and would buy new ones whenever they got too stretched out. It seemed to work well. Around the 13 month mark, I decided I was ready to wean and do another surrogacy. All of my fellow surrogates who had delivered around the same time as me were beginning to get pregnant again, either with their own 'keeper' babies, new journeys, or sibling projects. I got prego fever! When all was said and done, I had donated 30,768 ounces to the milk bank. That number does not include the milk I gave to my surrobabe, or the milk I donated to a fellow Surro's triplet surrobabes, or a local momma on a handful of occasions. This was a huge accomplishment for me. Who would have ever thought my little A cup boobies could be such over achievers! Go me!

I began the search for new IPs for surro journey #2. A fellow Surro friend contacted me with a potential couple who seemed would be a good match. They were also of Asian decent, living in Houston and looking to transfer asap. We met and matched, but unfortunately once it came time for contracts we discovered there were a few details that ended up being major factors, resulting in us 'breaking up' so to speak. The main issue being that their IVF doctor wanted to transfer AT LEAST 3 embryos, even though I was only comfortable with carrying twins. This did not sit right with me at all, and so I made the hard decision to back out of the match. Those who know me, know that I am a people pleaser, very non-confrontational and passive aggressive. The letter to the IPs was one of the hardest letters I've ever had to write. I felt like I was letting them down in a big way, but I knew somewhere out there was the perfect match for me. And somewhere out there was the perfect match for them too. They deserved a surrogate who would be OK with all of their needs and wants, it just wasn't me. I love being a surrogate, but I have to do what is best for my body, and my family.

And so I began the hunt for new IPs once more. Throughout this whole time, a close friend of my sister-in-law had been experiencing infertility issues and undergoing IVF treatment for herself. I began to grow closer with her; sharing her journey, comparing medicines and their side effects, swapping IVF stories, giving support and encouragement, telling her silly superstitions to do before, during, and after transfers, and wishing with all of my might that she would have a successful pregnancy. Her name is Tori Fisher, and she is the strongest, most resilient woman I know. You can read her blog here: http://www.thefisherjourney.blogspot.com/

Unfortunately, her transfers were unsuccessful, and her doctor recommended that they start considering surrogacy. I had been on the back burner as a last resort, but we had all hoped I would not actually ever be needed. It is only natural to want to carry your own child and experience all the goods and bads of pregnancy. When Tori told me the news, I felt deep down inside that this was my duty. It did not make sense for the universe to have me, a surrogate, and her, struggling to grow a family be so close and NOT be HER surrogate. Maybe this was in the cards all along. Maybe this was why my previous match fell through. I knew this was not an easy decision to have to make, so I offered my 'services' and prepared myself for an answer either way, telling her that I would be here in whichever way she needed me, as a surrogate, or just as a supportive friend.

Monday Morning I got the text that her and her husband and family had talked it over during the weekend and would like to use me as their surrogate. I was, and still am beyond honored. I went to lunch with my husband and son that day at Pei Wei, and couldn't help but feel as though the universe was giving more signs that all was well. When we ate our fortune cookies, mine said "Your Example will inspire others." Sweet! Who wouldn't want to be a source of inspiration. We all need to be the good we want to see in the world. And then I opened my son's fortune cookie and had yet another nice little affirmation. It read "A small gift can bring joy to the whole family." Well, how could I not read into that as a small gift being a baby/babies and the whole family being mine and Tori's?!? It was just too perfect.

Then, Monday night, just as we were laying down for bed, my husband got the call that his sister's water had broke and they were headed to the hospital. She was only 35.5 weeks pregnant, and this was very unexpected news. As we were heading to the hospital to join her and the rest of the family, I couldn't help but think how my day started with the beginning steps to a pregnancy, and was ending with the final steps of another. Luckily, even with my nephew arriving early, he was a nice size, and healthy as can be. He came into the world via c-section on 3/2/2015 weighing 7lbs 3oz and 19.5inches long, and requiring no NICU time. I am so proud of my sister-in-law for remaining calm throughout the entire situation, lasting through 19 hours of labor, and being at peace with having to have a c-section. Her and her hubby are going to be great parents. I know this because they are phenomenal at being my son's aunt and uncle.

The next steps to come are screening and blood work to determine that I am cleared to carry for Tori and Mike. We are already in the process of working on contracts, and setting up appointments with the clinic. Since Tori and Mike have already had their embryos tested, we know they are all girl embryos. I am so excited at the idea to carry a girl. I have only ever carried 2 boys, and have a suspicion that if I were to try and have another kiddo of my own, it would be another boy. I'm no fortune teller, but it's just a feeling in my gut. Speaking of fortune tellers, I was talking to Tori today while at the hospital visiting my SIL and new baby nephew and was telling her a story about my grandma's fortune teller from Europe. Years ago, the fortune teller told my mother than one of her daughters (there are 3 of us) would give birth to twins. For the longest time we debated on who it would be. As far as I know, our family does not have a history of twins. We suspected that it would be my middle sister, Kayla, but who would have guessed that I would grow up to be a surrogate. Often with IVF, 2 embryos are transferred to increase the odds of at least one embryo sticking. Obviously the likelihood of twins is more common by doing this too. I can't help but think now that maybe the fortune teller was talking about me. She never said which daughter it would be, and she never specified that it would be twins for our family, she simply stated that one of us would give birth to twins. Eerie, I know! So lets see what the future holds!

Thanks for reading this post/book! I will try to keep my future posts short and sweet. Wish us luck as we start our journey to making the Fisher baby/babies!!

Here are a few pics!

- Birth of Surrobaby 2013