All Aboard the Crazy Hormone Train!

Hi Everyone!

I swear, I get more and more excited with each new blog post.

So everything is moving right along. After my initial ultrasound/screening appointment, I had to return for a second ultrasound on Friday, (4/10). This ultrasound was a slightly different ultrasound than the first. It is known as a SIS, which stands for Saline-Infused Sonography, also known as a sonohysterogram. Basically it is an ultrasound in which sterile water is pushed into my uterine cavity and allows the doctor to get a better look at my lining. I had one done with my first surrogacy so the procedure was vaguely familiar, but that was also roughly three years ago so I was a bit fuzzy on the details. The receptionist, nurse, and doctor all warned me that there would be cramping and slight pain, and boy were they right. As soon as the nurse pushed those first few ounces of fluid into my uterine cavity, I immediately felt crampy, sweaty, and like I could throat punch everyone in the room. Of course I would never actually do that, but when you are in pain, those ideas do flash across your mind. I tried my best to mask my discomfort and put on a strong face. I briefly wished I had Tori or Ryan there to hold my hand through it, but I knew I needed to be tough and that the pain was only temporary. Tori really wanted to be there too, but her work was very crazy busy that day so she sadly had to miss it. Being a surrogate, I try to be strong throughout everything. I signed up for this, so I can get through it. Yes, things are going to hurt and get super uncomfortable, but I push through it because I know that if a pregnancy is achieved, it will have all been worth it. Blood draws are no big deal. Injections into my butt every night with a 1 and a half inch needle filled with thick progesterone in oil are no big deal. These things are all minor in my mind because they are necessary to becoming pregnant, and so I will do them as many times as I need because that is my duty! I'm not saying it is easy, but I can, I have, and I will do it, because this is what I love. After the doctor got his look at my lining, he told me everything looked good. I asked Dr. Kim "So when you say good, do you mean good as in alright, or good as in great?" I know there probably isn't much of a difference, but it puts my mind at ease to know the difference lol. He laughed and told me "Great" so I hoped off the table, got dressed, and immediately sent Tori a text to let her know. I also sent her a few candid photos of the appointment, which included a picture of Dr. Kim peering over the sheet while my legs were up on the stirrups and a big shiny light on my lady bits. Yes, I am one of those people. I have no shame and wanted to make sure Tori felt like she didn't miss anything. When I asked Dr. Kim to smile for a pic, he looked at me with a puzzled expression and was like "uhhhh....now? you want a pic now?" I told him "sure, why not!?" like, doesn't everyone take pics of their doctor with their crotch in his face? haha ok maybe I am weird but thats ok. I then told him to say cheese, to which he awkwardly obliged. It was hilarious. I really love Tori and Mikie's Clinic and doctor and am so grateful they have such a warm relationship with all of us.It makes the journey slightly less difficult knowing that everyone cares as much as you do about the success.You have to take these small, funny moments as often as you can.

 SIS Selfies

Not surrogacy related, but I went back to my orthopedic doctor on Wednesday and cut placed in a short arm cast! So I know have use of my elbow. I should get the cast off completely next Wednesday. I was so pumped to be freed from that awful long arm cast that I have been putting in some great workouts lately. Of course all I can really work on are my legs, back, and abs, but I'll take it! Working out makes me feel so great, both physically and mentally. 

The following Friday (4/17) was a busy day. I had to very quickly pop in to the HFI clinic for the baseline ultrasound and blood work. Everything looked great once again. My lining was thin and my ovaries where quite. After the ultrasound, I drove to Memorial City to meet Tori, Mikie, and Ryan for our psych evaluation with Leslee Murphy. I used Leslee for my previous psych evaluations and I just love her. She is so friendly and nice. Tori and Mikie were a bit nervous, so I tried to calm their fears by assuring them that there are no wrong answers and that Leslee's role is just to play devil's advocate and bring up questions to make you think about how you might handle possible situations and that we have discussed important issues to make sure we are all on the same page to prevent possible conflict down the road. Tori and Mikie went first, then Ryan and I, then we all 4 went in together. Leslee said several times how she was so impressed with our relationship and that she hopes we continue to be open and honest throughout the whole journey. If I am being honest, it was almost like an ego boost, hearing her compliment us. I mean, I already knew that Tori and Mikie are great and that this journey is going to be more on the level of friendship, but hearing it from someone else was pretty awesome.We discussed things like what I would be called by any resulting child/ren. I am most comfortable being called Auntie Jade or just Jade. I may sometimes refer to myself as the surromom or tummy mummy, but it is not because I feel like the mom at all. It is just the only words really to simply describe our unique situation. I am a mom, but only to my son Hayden. I am proud of my surrogate babe, Jaden, but do not feel so some attachments as I do to my own child or my nephews, etc. It is a totally different mindset, and one that I am at peace with.

 Mikie, Tori, Myself, and Ryan at the HFI clinic. Finally a group pic of the 4 of us!

After our psych evaluation, we all went to lunch at Lupe Tortillas. It was a great way to unwind from the stress of the morning and to loosen our belt and be ourselves. Even though we have known each other for a while, I really felt the friendship deepening. We weren't trying so hard to impress one another anymore, it was just coming naturally and I think we all breathed a sigh of relief for it. After lunch, we all headed back to the clinic to sign the last bit of waivers and I received my calendar and was cleared to start meds on Monday. Our transfer date was initally set for May 14th, but with some slight persistence and bugging on my part, we were able to knock everything out and get started on meds sooner, moving our transfer date up to Thursday, May 7th! Sounds like a perfect day to get pregnant to me!

This past Sunday marked the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week. Tori invited me to walk with her at the Resolve Walk of Hope fundraiser. It was a perfect day and we had such a great time at the event. We signed up to walk with HFI and got shirts, which happen to be green, so they will be perfect lucky green shirts for us to wear to the transfer. Tori brought along her niece, Audrina, and she is such a cutie pie. It was so apparent by the way she is around her niece that Tori will be an excellent mother, without a doubt. At the event I also ran into my previous egg donation coordinator and had a nice quick chat. My previous agency workers were also at the event, but I didn't bump into them, which was kind of a bummer because I would have loved to have introduced them to Tori. They are so very supportive of this upcoming journey and check in on me regularly. I love how everyone in the industry has such big hearts. It is great to build these relationships with people, and I am so thankful for having met such amazing people through egg donation and surrogacy.

 Tori and I at the Resolve Walk of Hope

Speaking of amazing friends and supporters, in an effort to help cut down costs and save Tori and Mikie a little money, I reached out to my fellow surrogate friends via facebook and had a few great ladies offer their unused meds for me to use. (Tori also gave me her leftover meds as well) These ladies are so great and I am so lucky to have them for advise and things like this. I love my support groups more than anything! The ladies are truly awesome.I just HAVE to brag about them.

I started estrace pills on Monday and within 24 hours I felt as though my ovaries had turned into water balloons, about to burst. luckily this only lasted about a day, and things appear to have returned to normal. I have had a few headaches throughout the week as well, but I am unsure if it is related to the medicine or just from normal, everyday things, such as school. Fortunately I graduate in May so I won't have to sit through any lecures for much longer. Ryan wants me to get a full time job then also, which I am excited about, but I am also worried about finding a job while possibly pregnant. I know some employers frown upon hiring a pregnant lady, even though legally they can't discriminate. I just hope I find  great job, that pays well, adn can accept and appreciate the fact that I am also a surrogate who may very well become pregnant and therefore require days off for appointments or maternity leave. I hope that isn't too much to ask for. I guess I will find out soon! If not, I am perfectly happy with my only 'job' being to grow a baby and be a stay at home mom to Hayden, although I am sure Ryan might feel differently about that lol. He is ready for me to contribute financially on a full time basis, and I can't really blame him. He was been an incredibly supportive husband and father for the past 5 years while I attended school, completed a surrogacy journey, and then pumped for 14 months. He knows it makes me happy, so it makes him happy. How did I get so lucky!

With the help of my sister-in-law and Tori's close friend Kristina Boyd, I set up a GoFundMe account to raise money for Tori and Mikie. Our goal is $10,000, and while this may seem like a lofty number, it is only a fraction of the expenses related to infertility treatments. The number one barrier to infertility treatments is cost. Many insurances have exclusions specifically for the treatment of infertility issues, meaning everything done has to be paid for completely by the patients. These costs add up very quickly, so I ask you all to please find it in your hearts to make a donation, big or small. I would really love to lessen the financial burden for Tori and Mike. "No one has ever become poor by giving" -Anne Frank. I am a big believer in karma and am so very amazed at the generosity of several people. An anonymous donor tonight gifted $500!!! My only words are WOW. just, wow!! Big Big hugs to that person. They have a heart of gold. But even though $500 for most people is not possible, we are just as appreciate for $5. You would be surprised how quickly those small donations can add up!! And we are determined to not stop until we reach our goal. If you would like to make a donation, here is the link! http://www.gofundme.com/teambabyfisher

Thank you again to all of our supporters and friends. We cannot wait till May 7th!!

First Date with the Weenie Wand

Hey Everyone!

I am so excited to type this new post because there has actually been progress now! We are out of limbo land and moving forward one giant leap at a time! Those who know me well, know that I am a planner. I like to be prepared, to know whats coming next, what could go wrong or right, and how I would respond to any scenario. Planning ahead calms me. I like to feel in control as much as possible, even though I know full control is impossible. My last blog post is proof in itself that I can't control everything, as much as I would like, and that is okay sometimes.... but for now I have my fingers crossed for no more craziness or deviations from the plan.

When I left off on my last post we were waiting for my period to come so that I could go in for screening. I apologize to any men who may be reading my blog, although I doubt any men really do.... if I am wrong, please comment and make me aware of your manly presence. It won't change anything. I will still speak freely about whatever comes to mind, so you'll just have to get accustomed to it. Ladies, you should already be accustomed to talk of such things so I'm not even worried about y'all! Anyway, continuing on.... I was waiting on my period and had to receive a prescription for Provera to jump-start it. During that time in limbo land, I was invited to an 80's themed surprise birthday party at a skating rink for my older sister, Kayla. Wow, that is a mouth full. She was definitely surprised and the party was great! She has some truly awesome friends who obviously love her very much for throwing such a great party in her honor. I went for the 80's grunge look, kind of like Kristen Stewart in the move The Runaways. I didn't want to do the overplayed sweat shirt, sideways pony tail and neon leggings look, plus I'm all for doing whatever is easiest. I was having a very fun time up until we got out on the skate floor and I completely ate shit. I used to be a pretty good skater as a child. My cousin, Ashley, would take me to the skate rink often when I was around 11 or 12. I figured it would be like riding a bike and that my natural ability would just come back after a few trips around the rink.... boy was I wrong. My overconfidence was most definitely my downfall. But I didn't just fall. My feet went up in front of me and I was airborne for what felt like eternity before I came crashing down on my backside. Seeing as I am a planner type of person, I had already mentally planned out in my head what I would do if I were to fall. Since I have a tiny little asian booty with not much meat on it, coupled with the fact that I had my phone in my pocket, I decided to try and break my fall with my arms. Bad idea. my booty and my phone made it out without a bruise or a scratch, but I landed with stiff arms supporting all of the weight and force of the impact. I couldn't feel my arms for a good 10 minutes after it happened. They felt numb, like they were in shock and so I kept trying to shake it off and regain feeling in them. I stayed in my skates though, determined to keep up a lively attitude for the party and smile through the pain. I skated for a bit more and then it was pizza, cake, and ice cream time. While I was eating, I noticed that every time I tried to bring food to my mouth with my left hand that it was in excruciating pain. Finally towards the end of the night I decided to leave. I had plans to meet with with one of my good friends, Hannah, for drinks before the injury, and so the idea of drowning my pain in alcohol seemed like a perfect plan. I don't drink often, since I am usually pregnant or pumping (I technically could drink while pumping but I hate pouring milk down the drain) so I try to take full advantage of the few short weeks a year that I have to go out with friends and drink before I go on an other 1-2 year dry spell. I always have a good time with Hannah, but I just wasn't feeling it that night. My arms were still in pain and my bed sounded too perfect. I decided to go to the doctor the following day (Friday) and get it checked out. My doctor sent me for an X-ray of my left elbow since that is where the majority of my pain was coming. They got the results that afternoon but it was inconclusive and so my doctor told me to go ahead and be seen by an orthopedic. We called around, but I couldn't get in for an appointment until Wednesday of the following week. So I went on about my business; School, work, mommy-duty, wash cars, clean house, cook, wait for period, plan small family vacation for Easter weekend. By then the pain was less excruciating, but still bothersome, and in both arms now.

 Kayla's Surprise Bday party where I broke my arm =(

The Orthopedic doctor X-rayed both of my arms and then delivered the news that my right forearm was injured and that I needed to be put in a cast. At first it kind of sounds exciting to have a cast on for the first time ever. I am now regretting ever feeling a glimmer of excitement because this shit sucks!! I text Ryan to fill him in on the situation. We were both kind of expecting to hear that nothing was seriously wrong and that it was just a sprain or some bruising, but nope! He called me immediately to see if I was joking (it was April Fools day) and I said 'No, Ryan, I am staring at the X-ray right now and can see the fracture."my doctor overheard me saying this and spun around to tell me "it's not a fracture, you broke you arm and we need to cast it." Womp womp womp =( I knew having my arm put in a cast would put a damper on our vacation, so I squeakily requested to wait for the cast till monday if at all possible, and the doctor looked at me like I was a huge dummy. Maybe I am, but you can't blame a girl for not wanting her bikini body thrown off by a big ugly cast. I mean, I had already gone almost a full week with a broken arm unknowingly, what would a few more days hurt? But I could tell this was not a battle that I could win, and so in the cast my arm went. Plus, the longer I went without a cast, it increased my risk of displacing it even more and making recovery more difficult and longer. Now, if you've been paying attention, you may have noticed that I was complaining about my left arm hurting the most, but it is my right arm that is broken and in a cast. This is not a typo or confusion on my part. Both arms are injured, the doctor just said something along the lines of elbows being harder to see on an x-ray or that injuries such as fractures take a few days longer, which just seems weird to me but I am not a doctor so I'm sure he knows what he is talking about. So I have to go back on the 15th for more x-rays on my left arm since it is still in pain, even  more so now that I have to use my left arm for everything while my right arm is in a long-arm-cast. I feel so useless. it sucks. I almost had a mini panic attack the first night because my brain could not calm down and stop thinking about my arm in the cast, itching, sweating, needing to stretch out, going numb in certain positions, being so uncomfortable. I seriously wanted to go all Hulk on it and bust through the cat but I know that is probably not at all possible for me. Plus I'd feel so guilty I would just go get another one put back on.

Also on that dreadful first night in a cast, I started to finally feel crampy. I went to the bathroom and sure enough, had some spotting. I just knew that it meant I would be riding the crimson wave by morning time. It was pretty late at night, so I decided I would just call or text Tori in the morning to give them the good news, but Ryan could not wait. He loves being the first person to know something or tell anyone something so he pulled out his phone at 11 at night and wakes up a sick, sleeping Tori to inform her that Aunt Flow had finally arrived. It only took 2 whole weeks extra than expected, but better late than never, I guess! But seeing as how bad things usually come in threes, I couldn't go in to the clinic for screening because we were headed out to San Antonio for our little family vacation, please Friday was Good Friday, then we had the Easter Holiday, and couldn't get in for an appt until Monday at 2pm. We waited all this time for my period to come so we could get screened, and now that it came, screening would have to wait as well. It's like game of cat and mouse.

So my dominant arm is broken and in a full cast, I am on my period, and we are off to Sea World and Schlitterbahn for vacation. Just my luck. I think my good karma and someone else's bad karma got tangled up and confused on who they were meant for and got the wrong people. But you have to laugh at yourself sometimes, and so I tried my best to make light of the situation. The next morning a woke up and dropped a deuce (I have an impeccable digestive system and so I word like clockwork). I also needed to change my tampon. I figured this would be a great time to request the help of my husband. So I called for him. "Babe, babe I'm done! I need your help!" and then watch him as he stomps into the bathroom, looks at me, sighs, and says "You have got to be fucking kidding me right now." I just laughed and then told him to get out. The look on his face was priceless though. I think he may have actually done it if I needed it. but fortunately I am not that helpless. It is nice to know though that my husband would actually be there for me in that way if I ever potentially needed it. I take it as a sign that I picked a good man to marry. He may be annoying at times. but he is my person. Another comical moment was when I asked Ryan to put my hair into a pony tail. I live in pony tails but not that I can't bend my right arm at all, I can't do my hair by myself. His first time took 5 attempts. I've asked a stranger in the bathroom at my gym to do my hair, as well as my Mother in Law, Frances. Ryan's second attempt ended up looking like the 80's sideways pony tail. Cute, but not at all how I want to be portrayed, seeing as I already look like I am 14. Hopefully he will continue to get better at it as the weeks pass, but I am highly doubtful.

Ryan's 2nd attempt at a regular pony tail turned into and 80's sideways ponytail

We had a great time on vacation. First we went to SeaWorld and spent the day watching the shows, riding rides, and playing in the kid splash and playground area. Then we checked in to the Hilton Palacio del Rio, which was a super nice hotel on the river walk, showered, and walked down and ate at Dick's Last Resort. After a good night's sleep, we went to Schlitterbahn the next day, which I think was Hayden's favorite part of the trip. We spent the day riding the water rides, floating the river, and laying out. (I took a nap.) Since my cast is a long arm one and not a short arm one, the doctor said it could not be done with the waterproof stuff.... I don't know why that would make a difference but whatever, so I had to spend the day with my arm in a big clear plastic glove, which to me looked like a big arm condom, in order to get near the water. Even with all of these seemingly negative aspects of our trip, we all had such an enjoyable time. We returned Friday night, spent Saturday out at the farm, and Easter Sunday at Grandma's. Hayden received a bunch of candy and chocolate treats from the Easter bunny, so I better plan his next checkup with his dentist soon! Tori also got him an Easter basket of goodies, which included and monster truck toy, orange tic tacs, and orange soda. Basically everything Hayden loves. Since we didn't see each other over the busy holiday, she brought his goodies with her to the doctors appt on Monday, which went very very well.

 Hayden Splashing around at Sea World

It was my first time ever going to this clinic, but since they had all already been working with Mikie and Tori for their own IVF, it was very apparent that they were so emotionally invested in our journey. They had already established a relationship almost at the friend level, rather than being distant or business type, which was really nice to see. Tori offered to full out much of my paperwork seeing as my right arm is in the cast, so it would have taken me forever to write the stuff out on my own. once we turned in the paperwork and the receptionist took a picture of me for their records, we were escorted back and I was instructed to leave a urine sample, get my blood drawn (8 tubes, holy moly) and then hop up on the table, naked from the waste down, for my date with the weenie wand. That is what we like to call the vaginal ultrasound device. Since it is my hopes that Tori will be present for most of everything, except for when she is unavailable to take off or if the appointment is a super boring and uneventful one, we pretty much have to get close very quickly. I mean, she's about to see all up in my lady bits during the embryo transfer and monitoring appointments. I was a bit sad at first since my arm is in a cast, it makes it really hard to clean the downstairs area, but I was determined to make a good first impression, and so I tried my hardest and got everything nice and tidy for our appt today. There should be some time of award for being able to shave your hoo-haa with a broken arm in a cast and your non-dominant hand without majorly cutting yourself. Not going to lie, I gave myself a high five for it. and it almost felt like a high five from a stranger since my arm is in a cast and so awkwardly positioned all the time! We wrapped up the appointment with several laughs and eager smiles. So far, our tentative schedule is as follows (I may have some of the dates wrong so bear with me): I have started birth control pills and  I go back on Friday (4/10) at 1:30 to have a saline ultrasound done. Then the doctor will keep me on birth control untill it is time to bleed for a few days and then start the estrace pills. We have our psych evaluation on 4/17 and sometime in between now and then Ryan will have to go in to have his blood drawn for screening. Then I will start progesterone in oil injections into my butt for a few days and then May 14th is transfer day! But again, this is all tentative, and so it may change to be sooner or later, depending on how things go. I am just so excited to get this ball rolling. I cannot wait till transfer day, and then I cannot wait to start peeing on sticks to search for positive pregnancy lines.

 First Screening appt!!

Surro Jade (me, looking super asian) and IM Tori.

Thanks to each and every one of you for all of the well wishes and support. As the saying goes... It takes a village! And I also want to encourage you to be ambassadors for change. Although most of the comments I have received as a surrogate are very compassionate and warm, sometimes I am met with the opposite.There are a rare few who believe that surrogacy is wrong, that those who can't get pregnant on their own the natural way were never meant to be parents, or that God wouldn't approve of it, etc.... I ask you to not go forward and attack their reasoning on the matter, but rather rationally explain and educate them, or simply speak positively about it to others around you so that they may overhear it and begin to understand it with a more open mind. I don't need any justification or approval of others to know that what I am doing is right for me, my family, and Tori and Mikie.But it would definitely make the world a better place if fertility matters were met 100% with warmth and love rather than judgement and criticism or shame. I couldn't be more proud to be a surrogate.