I am so excited to type this new post because there has actually been progress now! We are out of limbo land and moving forward one giant leap at a time! Those who know me well, know that I am a planner. I like to be prepared, to know whats coming next, what could go wrong or right, and how I would respond to any scenario. Planning ahead calms me. I like to feel in control as much as possible, even though I know full control is impossible. My last blog post is proof in itself that I can't control everything, as much as I would like, and that is okay sometimes.... but for now I have my fingers crossed for no more craziness or deviations from the plan.
When I left off on my last post we were waiting for my period to come so that I could go in for screening. I apologize to any men who may be reading my blog, although I doubt any men really do.... if I am wrong, please comment and make me aware of your manly presence. It won't change anything. I will still speak freely about whatever comes to mind, so you'll just have to get accustomed to it. Ladies, you should already be accustomed to talk of such things so I'm not even worried about y'all! Anyway, continuing on.... I was waiting on my period and had to receive a prescription for Provera to jump-start it. During that time in limbo land, I was invited to an 80's themed surprise birthday party at a skating rink for my older sister, Kayla. Wow, that is a mouth full. She was definitely surprised and the party was great! She has some truly awesome friends who obviously love her very much for throwing such a great party in her honor. I went for the 80's grunge look, kind of like Kristen Stewart in the move The Runaways. I didn't want to do the overplayed sweat shirt, sideways pony tail and neon leggings look, plus I'm all for doing whatever is easiest. I was having a very fun time up until we got out on the skate floor and I completely ate shit. I used to be a pretty good skater as a child. My cousin, Ashley, would take me to the skate rink often when I was around 11 or 12. I figured it would be like riding a bike and that my natural ability would just come back after a few trips around the rink.... boy was I wrong. My overconfidence was most definitely my downfall. But I didn't just fall. My feet went up in front of me and I was airborne for what felt like eternity before I came crashing down on my backside. Seeing as I am a planner type of person, I had already mentally planned out in my head what I would do if I were to fall. Since I have a tiny little asian booty with not much meat on it, coupled with the fact that I had my phone in my pocket, I decided to try and break my fall with my arms. Bad idea. my booty and my phone made it out without a bruise or a scratch, but I landed with stiff arms supporting all of the weight and force of the impact. I couldn't feel my arms for a good 10 minutes after it happened. They felt numb, like they were in shock and so I kept trying to shake it off and regain feeling in them. I stayed in my skates though, determined to keep up a lively attitude for the party and smile through the pain. I skated for a bit more and then it was pizza, cake, and ice cream time. While I was eating, I noticed that every time I tried to bring food to my mouth with my left hand that it was in excruciating pain. Finally towards the end of the night I decided to leave. I had plans to meet with with one of my good friends, Hannah, for drinks before the injury, and so the idea of drowning my pain in alcohol seemed like a perfect plan. I don't drink often, since I am usually pregnant or pumping (I technically could drink while pumping but I hate pouring milk down the drain) so I try to take full advantage of the few short weeks a year that I have to go out with friends and drink before I go on an other 1-2 year dry spell. I always have a good time with Hannah, but I just wasn't feeling it that night. My arms were still in pain and my bed sounded too perfect. I decided to go to the doctor the following day (Friday) and get it checked out. My doctor sent me for an X-ray of my left elbow since that is where the majority of my pain was coming. They got the results that afternoon but it was inconclusive and so my doctor told me to go ahead and be seen by an orthopedic. We called around, but I couldn't get in for an appointment until Wednesday of the following week. So I went on about my business; School, work, mommy-duty, wash cars, clean house, cook, wait for period, plan small family vacation for Easter weekend. By then the pain was less excruciating, but still bothersome, and in both arms now.
Kayla's Surprise Bday party where I broke my arm =(
The Orthopedic doctor X-rayed both of my arms and then delivered the news that my right forearm was injured and that I needed to be put in a cast. At first it kind of sounds exciting to have a cast on for the first time ever. I am now regretting ever feeling a glimmer of excitement because this shit sucks!! I text Ryan to fill him in on the situation. We were both kind of expecting to hear that nothing was seriously wrong and that it was just a sprain or some bruising, but nope! He called me immediately to see if I was joking (it was April Fools day) and I said 'No, Ryan, I am staring at the X-ray right now and can see the fracture."my doctor overheard me saying this and spun around to tell me "it's not a fracture, you broke you arm and we need to cast it." Womp womp womp =( I knew having my arm put in a cast would put a damper on our vacation, so I squeakily requested to wait for the cast till monday if at all possible, and the doctor looked at me like I was a huge dummy. Maybe I am, but you can't blame a girl for not wanting her bikini body thrown off by a big ugly cast. I mean, I had already gone almost a full week with a broken arm unknowingly, what would a few more days hurt? But I could tell this was not a battle that I could win, and so in the cast my arm went. Plus, the longer I went without a cast, it increased my risk of displacing it even more and making recovery more difficult and longer. Now, if you've been paying attention, you may have noticed that I was complaining about my left arm hurting the most, but it is my right arm that is broken and in a cast. This is not a typo or confusion on my part. Both arms are injured, the doctor just said something along the lines of elbows being harder to see on an x-ray or that injuries such as fractures take a few days longer, which just seems weird to me but I am not a doctor so I'm sure he knows what he is talking about. So I have to go back on the 15th for more x-rays on my left arm since it is still in pain, even more so now that I have to use my left arm for everything while my right arm is in a long-arm-cast. I feel so useless. it sucks. I almost had a mini panic attack the first night because my brain could not calm down and stop thinking about my arm in the cast, itching, sweating, needing to stretch out, going numb in certain positions, being so uncomfortable. I seriously wanted to go all Hulk on it and bust through the cat but I know that is probably not at all possible for me. Plus I'd feel so guilty I would just go get another one put back on.
Also on that dreadful first night in a cast, I started to finally feel crampy. I went to the bathroom and sure enough, had some spotting. I just knew that it meant I would be riding the crimson wave by morning time. It was pretty late at night, so I decided I would just call or text Tori in the morning to give them the good news, but Ryan could not wait. He loves being the first person to know something or tell anyone something so he pulled out his phone at 11 at night and wakes up a sick, sleeping Tori to inform her that Aunt Flow had finally arrived. It only took 2 whole weeks extra than expected, but better late than never, I guess! But seeing as how bad things usually come in threes, I couldn't go in to the clinic for screening because we were headed out to San Antonio for our little family vacation, please Friday was Good Friday, then we had the Easter Holiday, and couldn't get in for an appt until Monday at 2pm. We waited all this time for my period to come so we could get screened, and now that it came, screening would have to wait as well. It's like game of cat and mouse.
So my dominant arm is broken and in a full cast, I am on my period, and we are off to Sea World and Schlitterbahn for vacation. Just my luck. I think my good karma and someone else's bad karma got tangled up and confused on who they were meant for and got the wrong people. But you have to laugh at yourself sometimes, and so I tried my best to make light of the situation. The next morning a woke up and dropped a deuce (I have an impeccable digestive system and so I word like clockwork). I also needed to change my tampon. I figured this would be a great time to request the help of my husband. So I called for him. "Babe, babe I'm done! I need your help!" and then watch him as he stomps into the bathroom, looks at me, sighs, and says "You have got to be fucking kidding me right now." I just laughed and then told him to get out. The look on his face was priceless though. I think he may have actually done it if I needed it. but fortunately I am not that helpless. It is nice to know though that my husband would actually be there for me in that way if I ever potentially needed it. I take it as a sign that I picked a good man to marry. He may be annoying at times. but he is my person. Another comical moment was when I asked Ryan to put my hair into a pony tail. I live in pony tails but not that I can't bend my right arm at all, I can't do my hair by myself. His first time took 5 attempts. I've asked a stranger in the bathroom at my gym to do my hair, as well as my Mother in Law, Frances. Ryan's second attempt ended up looking like the 80's sideways pony tail. Cute, but not at all how I want to be portrayed, seeing as I already look like I am 14. Hopefully he will continue to get better at it as the weeks pass, but I am highly doubtful.
Ryan's 2nd attempt at a regular pony tail turned into and 80's sideways ponytail
We had a great time on vacation. First we went to SeaWorld and spent the day watching the shows, riding rides, and playing in the kid splash and playground area. Then we checked in to the Hilton Palacio del Rio, which was a super nice hotel on the river walk, showered, and walked down and ate at Dick's Last Resort. After a good night's sleep, we went to Schlitterbahn the next day, which I think was Hayden's favorite part of the trip. We spent the day riding the water rides, floating the river, and laying out. (I took a nap.) Since my cast is a long arm one and not a short arm one, the doctor said it could not be done with the waterproof stuff.... I don't know why that would make a difference but whatever, so I had to spend the day with my arm in a big clear plastic glove, which to me looked like a big arm condom, in order to get near the water. Even with all of these seemingly negative aspects of our trip, we all had such an enjoyable time. We returned Friday night, spent Saturday out at the farm, and Easter Sunday at Grandma's. Hayden received a bunch of candy and chocolate treats from the Easter bunny, so I better plan his next checkup with his dentist soon! Tori also got him an Easter basket of goodies, which included and monster truck toy, orange tic tacs, and orange soda. Basically everything Hayden loves. Since we didn't see each other over the busy holiday, she brought his goodies with her to the doctors appt on Monday, which went very very well.
Hayden Splashing around at Sea World
It was my first time ever going to this clinic, but since they had all already been working with Mikie and Tori for their own IVF, it was very apparent that they were so emotionally invested in our journey. They had already established a relationship almost at the friend level, rather than being distant or business type, which was really nice to see. Tori offered to full out much of my paperwork seeing as my right arm is in the cast, so it would have taken me forever to write the stuff out on my own. once we turned in the paperwork and the receptionist took a picture of me for their records, we were escorted back and I was instructed to leave a urine sample, get my blood drawn (8 tubes, holy moly) and then hop up on the table, naked from the waste down, for my date with the weenie wand. That is what we like to call the vaginal ultrasound device. Since it is my hopes that Tori will be present for most of everything, except for when she is unavailable to take off or if the appointment is a super boring and uneventful one, we pretty much have to get close very quickly. I mean, she's about to see all up in my lady bits during the embryo transfer and monitoring appointments. I was a bit sad at first since my arm is in a cast, it makes it really hard to clean the downstairs area, but I was determined to make a good first impression, and so I tried my hardest and got everything nice and tidy for our appt today. There should be some time of award for being able to shave your hoo-haa with a broken arm in a cast and your non-dominant hand without majorly cutting yourself. Not going to lie, I gave myself a high five for it. and it almost felt like a high five from a stranger since my arm is in a cast and so awkwardly positioned all the time! We wrapped up the appointment with several laughs and eager smiles. So far, our tentative schedule is as follows (I may have some of the dates wrong so bear with me): I have started birth control pills and I go back on Friday (4/10) at 1:30 to have a saline ultrasound done. Then the doctor will keep me on birth control untill it is time to bleed for a few days and then start the estrace pills. We have our psych evaluation on 4/17 and sometime in between now and then Ryan will have to go in to have his blood drawn for screening. Then I will start progesterone in oil injections into my butt for a few days and then May 14th is transfer day! But again, this is all tentative, and so it may change to be sooner or later, depending on how things go. I am just so excited to get this ball rolling. I cannot wait till transfer day, and then I cannot wait to start peeing on sticks to search for positive pregnancy lines.
First Screening appt!!
Surro Jade (me, looking super asian) and IM Tori.
Thanks to each and every one of you for all of the well wishes and support. As the saying goes... It takes a village! And I also want to encourage you to be ambassadors for change. Although most of the comments I have received as a surrogate are very compassionate and warm, sometimes I am met with the opposite.There are a rare few who believe that surrogacy is wrong, that those who can't get pregnant on their own the natural way were never meant to be parents, or that God wouldn't approve of it, etc.... I ask you to not go forward and attack their reasoning on the matter, but rather rationally explain and educate them, or simply speak positively about it to others around you so that they may overhear it and begin to understand it with a more open mind. I don't need any justification or approval of others to know that what I am doing is right for me, my family, and Tori and Mikie.But it would definitely make the world a better place if fertility matters were met 100% with warmth and love rather than judgement and criticism or shame. I couldn't be more proud to be a surrogate.
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